The Rebel Perfectionist

Perfectionist is not a word I would ever use to describe myself, in fact I have prided myself on being quite the opposite, a rebel of perfectionism, I have purposely failed and messed things up to show that I don't care or need that sort of approval. 

When I began working with clients who would tell me of their struggles to feel "Good Enough", I related, having been raised to think I could always do better and that if I did I would be praised with attention and affection. 

I understood, why we try so hard and worry so much about how we look to others. We are communal creatures, we need to feel like we belong, it is not just some warm fuzzy, but a deep core piece to our survival.

It wasn’t until I was working with a coach that they pointed out my rebellious nature toward perfectionism is more “Type A Perfection”, than I thought. I was aware that there was a degree of self sabotage to it, but the idea that I was hiding how good I could be by not really trying had never hit me before, but I get it now, if I am only half ass-ing things, then I could have a safe distance from criticism since I knew I didn’t give it my all.

I’ve been perfectly imperfect :) I have come to terms with a lot of my inner child abandonment stuff, showing up to parent myself in a way that is supportive and encouraging. I am still working on my relationship to the idea of discipline and seeing it more as devotion, to choice to show up whole heartedly to play and go the distance. I have grace with myself when I stop short and inquire about what parts of me need to feel safe in order to keep going.

We are not here to be perfect, but we are creating and we are here to create. I hope you find the courage to do so unapologetically and remember it is practice not perfection that is sustainable.